


Ice Shards

by SamJoinedtheReconCorps



Series: A Flame in the Shadows [7]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Anxiety, M/M, Panic, Relief, Self-Harm, Worry, hot boi can't hide his feelings now, post ep 70, spoilers for ep 97
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23042977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamJoinedtheReconCorps/pseuds/SamJoinedtheReconCorps
Summary: They failed in the King's Cage, losing one of their own. Essek gets the news, anxiously awaiting the Mighty Nein's return.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Series: A Flame in the Shadows [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648909
Comments: 25
Kudos: 164





	Ice Shards

**Author's Note:**

> oh my GOD guys, the beginning of 98, and then those fucking dreams like HO - LEE - SHIT guys I just can't like that fucking episode said BEAUJESTASHA RISE and WIDOFJORD LIVES like fuck man, those are ships that I gotta now contend with and tuck away to focus on our Hot Boi because like, c'mon Jester's right he was 100% crying but also thinking about Caleb kissing him
> 
> anyway, here is the next part of this series!! I really hope you guys like it!

“What did we do?” Fjord asks, and yes, what  _ did  _ they do? “Why did we do that?”

“Yasha made her choice,” Beau grits out. “She said so herself.”

“We need to hide,” Caduceus tells them, “we need to find somewhere to hide. We’re not safe here.”

Caleb nods numbly, unable to bring himself to look at his friends - at his friends, with one person missing from their numbers.

Fjord, agreeing with Caduceus, recommends setting something up by the now sealed door that leads into the winding tunnels beneath Bazzoxan. Although setting up that kind of warning system would be for nothing, since they can’t really warn anyone about what’s coming.

Shaking his head, Fjord says, “We literally did this guys job for him.”

“And he’s paste,” Caleb reminds them, finally looking around at them if only to block out the memory of Obann turning to ichor in the King’s Cage, of the Laughing Hand swinging mercilessly on his friends - of Yasha turning her blade on them and staying behind. “We - we came away from this with nothing.” Yasha, glowering down at them as the doors sealed shut. “Less than nothing.”

“Yasha,” Jester whispers, and although it hurts everyone, she seems to be the most affected. Her clothes are torn and bloodied, much like the rest of them, but there are clear tear tracks that cut through the blood and grime on her face.

“We gotta move,” Caduceus urges, and his voice breaks as he swallows hard.

They lapse into a beat of heavy silence, paralyzed with anxiety at what to do next, when Nott says what they’re all thinking at the back of their heads. “We have to tell the Bright Queen.”

Caduceus shakes his head despite agreeing. “We have to tell - we have to tell everybody, and we can’t tell anybody.”  
Caleb can’t handle it - he can’t handle this conversation and do nothing at the same time, so, taking up Fjord’s suggestion, he pulls out his silver string. It’ll take ten minutes, but it's the best they’re going to get in terms of a warning, and it’ll keep his mind busy and away from all the thoughts and fears and memories that threaten to swallow him whole.

“She was mind controlled like Caleb was,” Jester argues, responding to something Fjord said. “Those things happen.”

And Jester sounds so sure that that’s not Yasha, that that’s not what the Yasha they know would do, that they  _ will _ save her, and it breaks his heart. It breaks his heart and turns his blood to ice to be so unsure and feel so scared of all of this.

“Well, we took down one demon who is ripping portals from the Abyss into this plane. He’s probably not the only one,” Beau tells them, dejected but honest.

“Yeah, but what are we going to do?” Caleb asks, getting up as he finishes the spell. He throws his hands up. “Go back to the Bright Queen and tell her what? We have nothing - we don’t have our friend, we don’t have this Obann - we have  _ nothing _ .”

Nott nods, shrugging out a simple, “Yeah.”

“We certainly can’t tell her what we did,” Fjord sighs. His shoulders are a tense line and his face betrays his uncertainty - he’s still reeling from it all as much as the rest of them.

Caduceus disagrees. “We can tell her what happened.”

Just a beat behind, Nott adds on, “We have to.”

“That, what, we unleashed - what?” Fjord asks, looking at them, trying to figure out what to say.

“We didn’t unleash it,” Jester tells him. Tells all of them. Caleb isn’t sure if she’s trying to convince everyone else or herself.

“They have to know,” Nott presses.

There’s dissent, disagreements - worry that this will have their favor with the Dynasty and the Bright Queen go up in smoke. It’s a valid fear, one that Caleb feels as well, but others in their group don’t balk at it.

Nott, surprisingly, is one of those people. “We can tell the truth. We - we killed the one that we set out to, but he unleashed this thing.”

“How do we confirm that?” Caleb asks.

No one answers his question.

They start collecting their mounts, trying for a halfhearted reassurance that it’s still locked away, one that disappears as soon as they remember that all the warding was to keep people out - not to keep that thing in. It’s only a matter of time before it tears through to the surface.

“This is a - if this is a threat here, maybe,” Caleb turns to Jester, who is numbly petting Yarnball as Fjord climbs up on the moorbounder. “Jester, after you have rested, you can -” He pauses, running a hand through his hair, feeling the way all the matted blood and tangles catch between his fingers, “I need to think, but maybe - maybe you can contact Rosohna and have them come here. At least we’ll warn them that there is a danger here.” He looks at the ground, feeling his chest constrict with anxiety. “What - what is the angle here?”

Jester nods, with Fjord lamenting that they’ll likely be headed to jail now. Caduceus, astride Clarabelle, soberingly reminds them that this is bigger than that. After all of this, everything is uncertain.

“We’re also still not 100% certain if the Dynasty or the Empire have anything to do with these portals or with Obann,” Beau sighs.

“Honestly I think everybody needs to be informed now,” Caduceus tells them.

Caleb turns to Beau, almost desperate to find something to cling to that will keep his mind from spiraling. “We’re just guessing, we don’t know what’s going on.”

No one agrees - or disagrees, for that matter. And with that, they quietly return to Bazzoxan, the weight of everything that happened in the King’s Cage intensifying the further away from it they get. Once they reach the outskirts of the city, they slide off their moorbounders.

“I just want to know what happened. I want to know if it's her,” Fjord gets out. “We’ve been played the whole time. How stupid are we?”

“It wasn’t,” Jester says, shaking her head. “We talked to her - we talked to her in her quietest moments. That - that wasn’t her.”

“Yeah, we’re a bunch of fast-talkers and where did it get us?” Caleb sighs, disappointed in himself, disappointed that no matter how smart and clever he is he failed his friends - he failed Yasha. “Here.”

Beau and Caduceus at least seem to hold onto the feeling that they’re getting closer - to what, Caleb doesn’t have the strength to ask. Caduceus, most importantly, does his best to comfort the group, assuring them that no matter what happened down there, it was no one’s fault.

“I thought we were going to change something, though,” Fjord answers in turn, shaking his head. “Walking out minus one, empty handed - can’t even count it as a win ‘cept that we’re alive.”

“We have names,” Caduceus reminds them. “We have names. Names are a lot. Names can be so much.”

Caleb frowns at the ground. “We don’t really know what we have unleashed.”

They agree that they at least have to tell the Bright Queen about what happened and there’s a brief talk about going to the Kiln Caduceus has been looking for - and Caleb realizes that with everyone else wallowing in the betrayal and hurt and fear, he’s been the one leading the charge to try and come up with the plan.

“It’s the only thing that I can think of, unless someone’s got a better idea. Unless the Bright Queen’s got a better idea,” Caduceus shrugs.

“I got nothing,” Fjord sighs.

“Well, ah, at least I - I think we…” Caleb pauses, putting his thoughts in order, feeling pained at having to come to terms with the way things have turned. “But at least I was trying to curry favor with the queen.” To stay safe, away from the Empire. To try and end the war, for all those innocents out there. To continue to remain under Essek tutelage. “For politics. But we are dealing with things we don’t understand, and I think it’s time to stop the con and face this. And why don’t we take it one step at a time?” He’s still staring resolutely at the ground. “We rest. Tomorrow, we contact the queen from here.”

“Yeah,” Jester agrees.

“Come clean,” Caleb adds, turning to her and looking at the rest of the group. “Because whatever this is, it is bigger than us.” It makes his stomach twist in knots to think of what will happen tomorrow. “We read her reaction. We make a decision after that.”

“Telling her doesn’t have to stop us from finding the Kiln,” Beau says.

“Absolutely,” Nott nods.

“No,” Caleb agrees. He feels a burst of wetness between his fingers. Glancing down, he sees that he’s pushed his coat sleeve up, and that he’s been scratching feverishly without noticing. He’s finally broken skin.

“Unless they throw us in jail,” Fjord reminds them.

Beau’s “Not if we’re not there for them,” Jester’s “No,” and Nott’s “They’ve gotta get us first” all jumble together as they answer at the same time.

“It’ll take them an awful long time,” Caduceus agrees with the trio.

“Yeah, we’re in the middle of fucking nowhere,” Beau shrugs.

Caduceus nods. “It seems like a waste.”

“But cutting and running with no explanation is not -” Caleb pulls down his sleeve, covering the new line of crimson that wells on his arm. “Not an option. We are partially responsible for this, so we are going to take responsibility.”

“Yes, we’ll take it in steps,” Nott tells them. “We can even contact, um - what’s his name, Hot Boi - Essek?”

“Thelyss,” Caleb finishes for her, and while Caleb startles himself with the realization that he agrees with Nott, he can't dwell on it, not now, when everything is falling apart around him. Not now, when all it would do is complicate things further.

“Essek first if we want to,” Nott repeats. She looks around at them, probably taking in their worn and weary looks, the underlying fear they’re trying to hide in the tension around their eyes. “Let’s go rest.”

No one disagrees, and so they slowly move into Bazzoxan, heading towards the Ready Room, hoping to scrape together a few hours of sleep. Caleb can feel the blood running down his forearm, running warm across his palm and down his fingertips. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep for some time.

* * *

It is a small meeting in the Bright Queen’s throne room, just her and her closest advisors again. The attack on the Ashguard Garrison had been defeated, and the assassination attempts by the Scourgers had been thwarted - with the Dynasty even managing to capture one alive. And although that makes Essek nervous, to know that they have someone so close to the Cerberus Assembly clapped in chains in their prison, he is comforted by the fact that he is the one doing the interrogating. No information will get out unless he allows it to.

“Even with such a small window of warning, our generals report that without it things may have turned out very different in the Ashguard,” the queen notes. “If this has taught us anything it is that we should -” She pauses suddenly, holding up a hand for silence.

Essek watches her carefully, and he can see the way her face hardens.

After a few more seconds of silence, she oh so quietly says - so quiet that Essek is sure he only hears her because he is seated right beside her, “ _ There is a crypticness to your message. Seemingly bad news, whereas I hoped to give you good. Where are you now? _ ”

She falls quiet once more, and Essek realizes that she is  _ sending _ a message - or, well, responding to one. Her face, which had hardened, now grows ashen.

Her voice is still just as quiet when she answers, “ _ I would hope for more information on this. How soon can you return? This should be discussed in person. _ ” 

The silence that follows is long and tense, and drags on for minutes that feel like an eternity. Then -

“ _ One day’s sufficient. Don’t warn anyone yet. We need to ensure this information is framed correctly to avoid hysteria. We look forward to your return _ ,” she says, then, louder so the rest of her advisors can hear. “The Mighty Nein bears another warning.”

Essek stiffens.

“They are in Bazzoxan, and they warn of a great evil that has been unleashed - the Laughing Hand,” she finishes.

There are quiet gasps among those around them, and Essek feels his own throat close up. A great evil - Bazzoxan,  _ Bazzoxan _ .

“Duendalos,” the Bright Queen calls out, turning to the head of that den. “Start research on the Laughing Hand immediately. I’m sure many of us have heard - or remember - the fiend, but I want any information on it gathered and presented to me, the Shadowhand, and our generals.” She looks around at everyone else, at the worried faces of her advisors. “This meeting is considered adjourned for the time being, but be ready to be summoned to my chambers again as I will hold a larger audience.” She lifted a hand. “You are dismissed.”

As Essek rises numbly, he sees her turn to her partner and whisper to her, “May the Luxon’s light be upon them - they have lost one of their own.”

Ice crawls up his lungs.

* * *

Essek doesn’t remember the walk home, but there he is now, in his study, swirls of grey mist rising off his fingers like smoke. He wants to  _ teleport _ to Bazzoxan, wants to find them and find out exactly what has happened - but he can’t. He didn’t prepare it. He didn’t even prepare a  _ sending _ spell today, opting for mere local utility in what he thought would have been a standard day.

Bazzoxan. The word refuses to shrink in his mind, all it's sharp edges piercing him like thorns. He should have known they would go to Bazzoxan - they were at the Arbor Exemplar, heading through the Barbed Fields. What in the Hells should he have expected.

Trying to calm his erratic breathing, he reminds himself that they would be back tomorrow - they would be back and he would find out what happened. Still, he would prepare his  _ teleport, _ because if they didn’t arrive by the day’s end, he would be going to Bazzoxan himself. All he had to do was wait.

Unless.

Without another thought, he stands, quickly digging through his desk drawer and finding the ornate silver mirror he’s adopted for this task. The ten minutes it takes to cast feel long and heavy, but once he has it ready all he can think of is one person: Caleb.

He can feel the magic drain from him, flowing into the mirror. The intricate runes carved into the frame glowing purple and then - nothing.

Essek stares down at the mirror, blinking once. He swallows thickly, ignoring the ice climbing up his throat. He would have felt if Caleb had pushed him out - if he had shrugged off the effects of his  _ scry _ .

It must have been an error on his part, some sort of mistake in his enunciation of the spell. He starts to cast it again, feeling that same familiar drain into the mirror. He focuses on keeping his voice steady, on getting every single word right. He can’t help but remember his lesson with Caleb, the way Caleb watched him so intensely as he taught him how to pronounce the Undercommon that had proven tricky for his Zemnian tongue.

The runes flicker beneath his shaking hands and - nothing.

He sets his hands down on either side of the mirror. The somatic elements - his hands must have been shaking too much to do them right.

His movements grow less controlled and more panicked as he tries again, reciting the incantation and performing the gestures. For a second he considers casting it on someone else, trying to find another member of the Mighty Nein, but he banishes the thought from his mind. If he is able to cast a successful  _ scry _ on them, if he can feel them successfully push his mind away from their location - then that’ll mean the worst.

Finishing his casting, he pushes his sight out, out and out and out, to the north where he knows they are. Where he knows Caleb is.

Nothing.

He tries one more time, feeling the drag of the magic almost make his knees buckle. As he goes through the motions by memory alone all he can think of is one person -  _ Caleb, Caleb, Caleb _ .

And nothing.

His hands are shaking so hard now as he lays them on his desk that he knows he can’t try to cast that spell again even if he tried. He leans over the mirror, looking at it without really seeing it anymore.

Staring down, he catches sight of the corner of the report on the captured Scourger that sits beneath the mirror. The ice in his chest burns, tearing him apart as anger wells and bursts inside of him.

In one sweeping motion he sends everything on his desk crashing to the ground in a flurry of paper and the thud of books and the distinct shattering he feels in his chest, hating the world, hating himself. He remembers the way Jester asked him if he wanted to go with them before they set out for their mission at the Overcrow, the way he had declined in order to  _ send _ his own message to keep himself safe - and now they weren’t, they were in Bazzoxan, Bazzoxan that had already taken so much from him, and Caleb was - he was -

He falls to his knees behind his desk, and suddenly he isn’t the Shadowhand, he isn’t the consecuted prodigy of Den Thelyss - he’s just Essek, and everything around him is falling apart.

* * *

Essek wakes up cold and stiff, not even realizing when he fell into his trance. Shakily, he gets to his feet. It had to be well into the evening at this point - and if the Bright Queen hadn’t asked for him yet, she would be asking for him soon.

Without looking at the damage he caused he makes his way out of his study, not bothering with it for now, instead heading to his chambers to get ready for the court. He shrugs off his mantle, setting it aside and picking out a clean one. Moving to his washroom, he settles for merely making himself look presentable, washing his face and fixing his hair the way he usually does - all the while ignoring the puffy eyes of his reflection staring back at him.

* * *

Even though Essek knows the war meeting that the Bright Queen is holding this morning is important, he finds his focus flagging. He’s worried - anxious in a way he hasn’t been in a long time. It’s taking everything he has to keep his face perfectly neutral.

Partway through the meeting, one of the guards steps in from the antechamber, nodding once at the Bright Queen before retreating. The Bright Queen returns the nod, and as she begins to wind down the conversation about where to attack next and where to move the bulk of their forces Essek knows that they’ve arrived.

The next 20 or so minutes crawl by, an entire eternity held within those walls until finally some of the guards step forward and drape a sheet over the war map. They begin carrying it out as the Mighty Nein step inside.

Essek watches with bated breath as Veth and Jester file through, followed by Caduceus, and Beau, and Fjord, and - and Caleb. The relief that crashes through him was enough to make his shoulders drop from the tense line that they’d been, and he releases a shaky breath before quickly sitting up straight again and donning the mask.

He’d figure out what was going on with him later.

As the Mighty Nein approached the Bright Queen stands, raising a hand. “Welcome, Mighty Nein. We must first give our thanks in your aid in warning the Dynasty of the Imperial assault. Many lives were saved thanks to your deed, and the garrison remains in our control.”

There are small nods and relieved sighs amongst the group. Caleb resolutely stares at the ground.

“As you had also noted, a series of strategic assassination attempts did also occur shortly after the assault,” the Bright Queen continues. “Now here in Rosohna, we were ready for this. Aside from some wounded, no lives were lost. We captured one of the assailants.”

Caleb tenses, his hands coming to his coat sleeves.

“You’ve all proven very worthy of the reward that you were given. So thank you.” The Bright Queen gives them a small, respectful nod.

Veth shifts uneasily before giving a tiny bow. “You’re welcome.”

Jester glances over at Veth before following her movements, peeking up at the Bright Queen and saying, “Your eyes look very ravishing today.”

“I-I was going to say the same thing,” Veth admits, and Jester nods. “You know they have a -”

“They seem exceptionally bright,” Jester explains.

“- twinkle,” Veth finishes. “Wouldn’t you agree, Caduceus?”

Essek knows what they are doing, and although he knows it ultimately won’t work, it's amusing to watch - and, judging by the imperceptible twitch of the Bright Queen’s lips, she probably shares his sentiments.

“I - sure?” Caduceus agrees uncertainly. He straightens a little, bringing his already towering height even taller as he loses the easy slump of his shoulders. “Your highness, we have a, uh - we bring some unfortunate news.”

Caduceus begins to explain what happened, how unprepared they were for it all, confirming when the Skysibil inquired about the creature that it was indeed the Laughing Hand.

“Resources are necessary to combat this,” Caduceus said gravely. “It tore through us, we did not all make it back.”

And that’s when Essek realizes with a sudden pang of guilt that Yasha is not among them.

The Bright Queen assures them that they have done what they could, and that the Dynasty will take it from there, informing them of the research Den Duendalos had already begun since they sent their message.

“It was a follower of the Angle of Irons?” Jester adds, sounding like a question. She looks exhausted, with barely any of her usual bubbly energy.

Essek hardly ever sees the Bright Queen’s face betray when she doesn’t know something, but it shows on her face now, in the way her brow arches and she turns to the Skysibil.

“I am unfamiliar with that one,” the Skysibil admits. And if the Keeper of the History doesn’t know, then that is very troubling indeed.

Glancing at the head of Den Duendalos, she instructs them to add that to their research, before telling them that Bazzoxan has been reinforced as well.

“We - we may have a special r-request, if-if, if that would please you,” Caduceus starts. “We would like to be, um, kept in the information loop on this creature, as that it has done personal damage to us.” He drops his gaze for a second before meeting the Bright Queen’s once more. “And we believe that we have an avenue of, uh, possible, uh, victory. I-I, I - I feel that there might be an answer to how to defeat this creature in the north. And I was hoping for, um, a little faith and perhaps a little support in a, ah, expeditious journey up north to see if a weapon that can defeat this creature can be found.”

The Bright Queen inclines her head the tiniest bit - not a nod, but not yet an outright refusal. “I will admit, there is trepidation from members of this court, due to the, ah, circumstances of your, ah, less than -” She glances up, thinking, “How would I put it - less than successful journey northward.”

Caleb’s hands begin to scratch, and Essek is almost tempted to send his  _ mage hand _ to gently still his hands, but he knows that not only would that startle the man and maybe even be perceived as an attack, but that it may also betray whatever he was feeling to everyone else - to people who could read his feelings better than even he could.

“However, if you feel that you can do this without us expending more of our personal resources to this direction you are travelling, you may go with our blessing,” she grants.

“Just, uh, safe travel,” Caduceus nods.

Fjord makes a small motion with his hands.

“Perhaps, uh, we may need -” Caduceus catches sight of Fjord’s motion again, and adds, “Uh, some form of, of expeditious travel on top of everything else, but-but not a lot is necessary.”

The Bright Queen gives a small nod. “Perhaps.”

And, if she grants it, expeditious travel - he could help with that. He could definitely help with that.

Caduceus glances around at the rest of the group, turning back to the Bright Queen. “And, uh, the permission to, we probably have to cross a northern border at some point, and we may have to, uh, put a few affairs in order.”

Essek knows that the Bright Queen sees the potential in the Mighty Nein, because she kindly nods again. “Very well, I mean, take your time and rest. I can see on all of your faces you’ve been through quite a bit.”

Fjord takes a small step forward, inclining in a small bow. “Would you, uh - would you care to see this Laughing Hand?”

The Bright Queen gives him a searching look before saying, “If you have a means of presenting it's visage, then yes, please.”

He nods, pulling something small out of his pocket that he keeps between his fingers. He turns his hands, saying a quiet incantation before black mist poured out onto the floor in front of him, rising five feet, ten feet - twelve feet before it solidified into a horrifying creature.

There were gasps and whispers that filled the chamber as the Laughing Hand lumbered forward a couple of steps. A dirty, oily cloak hung across its shoulders, with a hood partially obscuring its face in shadows except for the mouth - the mouth that hung open in a wide, jagged grin, cutting across its face much larger than any normal mouth, almost splitting the face in two. It swung a gigantic double bladed sword in its right hand - but then Essek realized that that sword  _ was _ it's right hand, sprouting where it's forearm should have been. It was rusted in old bloodstains, bloodstains that also coated the leathers that it wore beneath the cloak. Whenever it moved, parts of it's skin could be seen - the left hand, parts of the torso, it's neck - and wherever they looked they could see tears in the skin, tears with teeth that were twisted into grotesque smiles.

Whispered laughter could be heard, making Essek’s skin crawl.

Veth moved towards the creature, cowering in front of it, just to give them an idea of how it must have been to face it in battle. Essek’s eyes turned to Caleb, and he didn’t want to imagine him fighting this monster. He didn’t want to imagine any of them doing that.

“The more we hurt it, the louder it got,” Caduceus told them.

Taking out one of her daggers, Veth slices towards the creature, quietly calling out to Fjord. Although it takes him a second, Fjord’s fingers twitch, and suddenly there are more mouths on the arms, on the torso - and the laughter swells before falling to whispers that are just a little louder than before.Essek can only imagine how terrifying it must be to fight an enemy that only grows more horrifying with each blow.

With the demonstration remaining for another minute or two, Beauregard and Fjord both voice their hopes that the threat of the Laughing Hand does not go ignored. The Bright Queen responds with assurances, also reminding them that, while this is indeed a threat, there are still other things she must also contend with in the war.

“You said that you had some successes while we were away?” Veth asks.

“Yes,” the Bright Queen nods.

Jester also speaks up. “You captured an assailant?”

“We did,” the Bright Queen confirms. “We have a Scourger currently for interrogation and execution.”

Small glances are thrown in Caleb’s direction, but Essek can’t really say who’s looking at him because he’s looking at him too. Caleb’s eyes are now on the Bright Queen, his hands still. It looks like he may not even be breathing.

“ - we grow closer to our goal of retrieving what they’ve taken,” the Bright Queen finishes.

Hearing that makes Essek nervous, worried about how that’ll turn out, for him, if the Dynasty succeeds in this goal. But for once, he doesn’t allow it to become his priority. He’ll deal with that later, when the Mighty Nein is taken care of and seen to their home to rest after - after everything they have been through.

“The Scourger that you found was, was on - on the front lines?” Veth asks.

Shaking her head, the Bright Queen begins to explain, “There were a handful of assassins that had come to Rosohna, as you had warned. We were prepared. There were those who were wounded, but no lives were lost - on our side at least.”

Stuttering, Veth begins to ask again, “Who - who, who - what, what kind of - I-I’ve never seen a Scourger, wha-what did this person - was it a monster, or a person?”

“No, no, no - it was a woman, human,” the Bright Queen tells them.

Caleb stiffens even more, and Essek is afraid he’s going to snap from the tension.

Beauregard says something quietly to Veth, who simply says, “Sure.” Then, to the Bright Queen, “A human woman?”

“What is your interest in this?” the Bright Queen asked in return, suspicious.

“I’m just - I’m curious, I’ve never - Scourger sounds so scary, that’s all,” Veth stumbles over herself to answer.

“They’re more like a myth, to us,” Fjord adds. “We’ve never encountered one.”

“Right,” the Bright Queen nods, clearly not buying it - and why should she when Caleb had literally announced that he had been training to be one. They all knew what a Scourger was.

“You said you, you were closer to getting back what the Empire stole,” Jester cuts in, changing the subject. “Did they steal more of the, um, dodecahedrons?”

Essek shifts in his seat, not meeting anyone’s gaze.

“They still have one beacon,” the Bright Queen tells them.

“Beacons,” Jester corrects herself.

“That cannot be allowed,” the Bright Queen finishes, rather severely. “Until that is returned, we will do whatever it takes.”

“Do you know where -” Jester continues, but now she’s the one getting cut off.

“I would hope that our eagerness to aid and our frankness would have earned further trust on top of what we already offered up to you,” Caleb says, breaking his silence. He steps forward. “Ah, we would continue to aid and,” he bows his head, “more knowledge, more understanding would help.”

“Of course,” the Bright Queen answers. “We will share what we can as it comes.”

“He wants to get into your library,” Jester blurts out, glancing over at Caleb.

The Bright Queen gives a small smile, and Essek is now sure that it may actually be impossible to resist Jester’s charm if the Umavi of the Dynasty has fallen under it.

Caleb’s eyes flick to Essek’s before turning back to the queen. “I was actually going to request further training with, um, your friend from House Thelyss - and also, perhaps there is some knowledge of this Scourger.” He sounds pained as he finishes his request. He swallows hard. “I have already intimated a little of my past and, um,” the weight of his words make him drop his gaze to the ground. “Would be curious to know if dealings are the same.” He forces himself to look up again. “And if this is a person, um, I’ve had any dealings with.”

She watches him carefully, taking in every move and falter and cataloguing it as she formulates her answer. She takes a second, but finally she speaks up, “We are willing to share information. However, it is very apparent that the beginnings of this conflict stems from the human,  _ Zemnian _ , thirst for the secrets of our arcane practices.”

Essek flinches inwardly, finding her condemnation harsh, especially on someone who has done nothing but try and help and stop the conflict.

“Given that as it may, and there is trust here, it is a carefully guarded aspect of our culture. And you’ve already been rewarded for the deeds you’ve done,” she continues. “Should you continue on this path, then I’m very certain that we could share many more with you. But there must be more seen from you in the steps you take before we can open such a lineage of research to you. I hope you understand.”

And that - well, Essek can understand that. Even if he has already him as his pupil.

“I-I do. I am too presumptuous,” Caleb nods, bowing again. “May I instead retract, um, my request and instead just settle upon, um, knowing who this person is.”

“That can be facilitated,” the Bright Queen grants. “If you like, we will have you escorted to the Dungeon of Penance. You’re lucky to have come so early.” The rest of her sentence goes unsaid, but they know what she meant. “Is there anything else?”

Caduceus inquires for maps or information on the whereabouts of a kiln, anything that could help guide them to a snowless mountain surrounded by snowy peaks. The description rings familiar to the Skysibil, who informs them of such a place in the Flotket Alps of the Greying Wildlands. Caduceus nods, grateful at having the information, before once again requesting safe - and fast - travel.

“Well, if a safe and quick means of transportation is required, that would probably be my, ah, specialty,” Essek offers, finally allowing himself to speak. He gives them a smile.

“Will you be going with us or are you going to be sending us?” Jester asks.

Essek shrugs, beginning to explain, “Well, I have to come with you at first -” Jester brightens excitedly, “- but I’ll be returning thereafter.”

“Okay,” Jester nods in understanding, although she seems slightly put out that he wouldn’t be staying with them. It’s a sentiment he surprises himself in echoing.

“That’s cool,” Veth says.

“Maybe you won’t be though, maybe you’ll like us so much you’ll just hang ooooout!” Jester grins.

Even though he would actually enjoy some time with them, he knows that with the Scourger and this new threat of the Laughing Hand that they’ll need all the researchers they can have. “There is a lot of business I must attend to as well. As you’ve heard from the Bright Queen, a lot of things are moving and my interests lie elsewhere beyond a, ah, kiln.”

“Indeed, we appreciate your help,” Fjord nods, shooting Jester a small look. “We will let you return to your very pressing matters at hand.”

On a final note, Jester worriedly inquires about their moorbounders - the steeds they apparently left behind in Bazzoxan in their hurry to return. The Bright Queen, once again smiling at her, quells her worries, assuring her that as beasts of the land they will be fine but free to roam on their own now. She even offers to provide them more steeds should they need them.

“Ah! Kravaraad!” the Skysibil exclaims after having fallen into deep thought for a while.

“What?” Veth asks as Jester repeats in confusion, “Kravaraad?”

“That is the mountain you speak of,” she explains, pointing to Caduceus.

“Kravaraad,” Caduceus nods, his brow furrowed in concentration as if he were memorizing the name.

“Singular volcano rested in the center of the Flotket Alps, northwest of here,” the Skysibil tells them.

“Northwest,” Caduceus repeats, also committing it to memory.

“Quite a journey,” the Skysibil admits.

“Yes - that is, that is where we need to go,” Caduceus says, turning to his friends.

After that, they begin to take their leave, inquiring about whether they could go to the Dungeon of Penance now. The Bright Queen nods, raising a hand, and Essek is about to rise from his seat to escort them when instead two guards from the ones that remain in the wings step forward. Those will be their escorts.

Essek shifts in his seat, hoping to hide the way he was about to rise as instead him merely getting more comfortable.

And with that, they head out, bowing before this time actually turning their backs to them, a large token of trust on their part. Caleb strays to the back of the group, giving Essek one last look before turning as well.

Those bright blue eyes have never looked sadder - making Essek’s heart ache.

**Author's Note:**

> After Essek like, revealed what happened to his father, I can only imagine that hearing that the Mighty Nein went to Bazzoxan AND they lost someone would have made him at least worry, but this is my Shadowgast take on this bc idk I was just feeling some angst y'know, like in my opinion nothing works best than to getting someone to confront their own feelings than fearing that the person they have feelings for is hurt or worse!!! And if I'm hurting then I just gotta write it out right??
> 
> but, I really, really hope you guys liked it, and I hope to be back soon with more. Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> The scenes that inspired this fic come from:  
> The King's Cage | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 69 (nice) - 3:56:00 - 4:08:40  
> Causatum | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 70 - 34:45, 2:30:10 - 2:56:10


End file.
